08 November 2010

YTT Week 3 - Sunday

Sunday, I was back for more. Really, as stubborn as I am, I'm not about to quit, even if I have days when that seems like an option. It's not.

I was surprised to wake up Sunday morning and not have major DOMS from Saturday's 2.5 hour practice. I felt very tired, but the Tiger Balm on my shoulder and the arnica montana helped to prevent major discomfort, for which I was thankful.

We started our Sunday with a quiz, and almost by sheer luck I got a perfect score.  The last couple of questions were worded a bit oddly and everyone was questioning what they meant. Our instructor was not able to explain it further, and simply repeated "think about the foundation." Somehow, that clicked for me and I figured out it was asking the position of the feet (the feet - or whatever parts are touching the ground - are the foundation of a pose).

After the quiz our practice began, and 5 minutes in my body decided that was a good time to demonstrate its soreness. Wow. I literally thought I would not be able to make it more than a few more minutes into the asana practice at that point. Every muscle in my body hurt. Especially my rhomboids. Another 5 minutes in and it didn't get easier, but the worst of the agony seemed to have passed. By the time we got to Surya Namascar A, my body was complaining but I knew I would make it through the practice.  Not without a few other instances of near tears simply because my body was protesting throughout the entire 2 hours. Not in a "ow, that hurts" way but in an "OMG my muscles are so tired" way.

Every weekend we have training brings such a new experience. Inversion weekend was incredibly challenging for me, physically and mentally. Having to fight the natural frustration that rises from not being able to get into a pose (heh, even the prep position of the pose) is a real struggle in my head. This is something that I hope to conquer during my training; it is something that I have struggled with in a way all my life. The feeling of not being good enough and the frustration that brings. And you know what? No one is telling me I am not good enough except me. IT'S ALL IN MY HEAD. Not a single person in this training has ever made me feel like I do not belong there - except for me. I wish I could find the words to explain how incredibly supportive this group of women is... it's something I have never experienced before and it's quite magical.

We are all our own worst critics. Why create suffering for ourselves when the world is full of suffering already? It's a hard lesson to learn I suppose, since it keeps recurring for me I clearly have not managed to learn it completely. One day at a time though. Habits take a while to build up, it's the same with breaking them as well.

No matter how difficult this journey becomes, I will not stop. I have never before felt more certainty about where my life should go than I have since the beginning of this training. This is what I was meant to do, what I *am* meant to do, this is my place. And I am cherishing every step of the journey, because though the destination may be great, the journey is something to be savored. I will never be this person again, with these exact people on the journey with me. It's not something that can be recreated, and it's all the more precious for it's uniqueness.

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